Talking About Death Won't Kill You by Dr. Kathy Kortes-Miller

Author:Dr. Kathy Kortes-Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ECW Press
Published: 2018-03-06T05:00:00+00:00

Strategies for Supporting Grieving Co-Workers

Connect with them as soon as possible. Often people feel isolated and lonely in their grief. It may feel awkward to initiate conversation initially, but it is important to acknowledge grief openly. A simple “Please accept my condolences on the death of . . .” recognizes the loss and may be seen by the person as an invitation to talk more.

Use the name of the person who has died. Often, we are worried that we will be bringing up difficult memories and be the cause of emotions rising to the forefront. The person who has died is never far from the mind of the person who is grieving. In fact, many worry that their loved one will be forgotten when people do not say their name. Hearing the name spoken acknowledges the individual, the relationship and the loss and communicates that this experience matters.

If possible, find out when the person who is grieving is returning to work. If it’s not you, think of a colleague who is best suited to meeting the person on their return. The workplace friend can welcome them back and again acknowledge the death. Many people who are grieving will talk about the silence they encounter, the elephant in the room, when they return to social situations, including work, and find themselves surrounded by people who do not know how to react to their grief.

Listen more than talk. Part of the work of grief is to talk about loss in a way that serves to deepen our understanding of it. This process takes time. One of the best gifts colleagues can give an individual who is grieving is an opportunity to tell their story. Do not be surprised if the employee needs to tell the story many times and more frequently during holidays, anniversaries or other special times. It is also normal for tears and sadness to be expressed more freely during these times.

Do not expect the grief process to be smooth or linear for your colleagues or for there to be a quick recovery in which life returns to normal. A compassionate workplace is one with space for grief, whatever it might look like. The uniqueness of grief is recognized as normal and is accepted. It is still possible to get work done while a person is grieving. There is no timeline on grief.

If the individual who is grieving appears to be moving into a depression or is exhibiting high-risk coping behaviours, such as excessive drinking or medication use, do not hesitate to encourage the employee to seek professional help. Know what services the employee-assistance program at your workplace offers.

There will be times throughout the year that are particularly difficult for people who are grieving, such as anniversaries, holidays or birthdays. If possible, try to be aware of these times. Colleagues should not be surprised if they notice increased holiday requests or sick time associated with meaningful dates throughout the year. Grief may actively impact an individual’s performance at work for at least the first full year following a death.

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